Dr. Jess on Sex: How writing your partner’s dating profile can be a rewarding experience


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Sean and Kelly wrote each other’s dating profiles last month

In March of this year, the New York Times published a moving piece, “You May Want to Marry My Husband.”

I read it on the plane and cried my way through the entire piece in which Amy Krouse Rosenthal describes her husband as though she’s writing his dating profile. The summary: he’s a catch. If I wasn’t happily married, I’d consider marrying him. 

You’ll probably feel the same way once you read it. She was on her deathbed at the time and was still madly in love after 26 years. 

She died 10 days after publication on March 13. 

To say I was moved by the piece is an understatement. I called my husband in tears, but I couldn’t speak. So instead, I used it as inspiration and wrote my husband’s dating profile. I sent it to him in point form via text (because I’m romantic like that), and he was also moved to tears.

Because we were both so swayed by the article and the exercise, I decided to use both in my retreat the next day in Prague. After the first day of programming came to a close, I asked couples to read Rosenthal’s column and then write a dating profile for their partner as a reminder of why they love them and to help reignite the passion. 

Each participant (and even the two Czech translators) struggled to contain their tears as they read the article and made a list of their partner’s best qualities. When they were done, they reported feeling more present, grateful, in love and intimate with their partners. 

I continue to use this highly effective activity with both singles (pairs of friends) and couples across the globe and get teary eyed each time I introduce it. Consider trying it at home:

1. Read the article (it will come up in any Google search).

2. Jot down notes for your partner’s dating profile considering the following areas: personality, hobbies, attitude, profession, disposition, appearance, endearing idiosyncrasies, habits, parenting style, community involvement, family role and anything else that makes your partner wonderful. Don’t get hung up on the language — just let the words flow.

3. Share with your partner and soak up the positive affirmations.

Don Mills couple Kelly and Sean tried this exercise last month and were pleasantly surprised by the results. 

“After seven years together, it was a powerful reminder of how much we love each other and how we shouldn’t take one another for granted,” Kelly says. “Writing it came very naturally, and I got butterflies in my stomach. I was excited, gushy and giggling.”

If you’re willing to give it a try and share your experience, email us: info@sexwithdrjess.com. 

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Jess O’Reilly is a sought-after speaker, author and sexologist. SexWithDrJess.com.

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