May 19, 2013
Jul 18, 2012
03:41 PM
Eat

What would a Toronto Douche Burger look like?

By PostCity.com Staff

NYC's $666 Douche Burger (Image: Mackenzie Keegan)

If you wear a fedora, flex your muscles for no reason, sport a chinstrap beard and have $666 to blow, then chances are you might want to try the Douche Burger: the latest sensation from New York City food truck 666 Burger. Wrapped in three Benjamins, topped with gold leaf and stuffed with caviar, lobster and champagne-smoked cheese, this creation is a jab at all the other douche burgers out there (you know the ones).

Of course, this has us thinking: what would the ultimate Toronto Douche Burger look like? Possibly something like this:

  1. It would only be available on a secret menu, and you’d have to make a face before ordering it.
  2. It would probably be a lot like this douchey burger of yesteryear.
  3. It would contain real kobe beef — as in the Japanese, beer-fed, massaged kind — as opposed to some lame Ontario substitute.
  4. Foie gras and caviar, and lots of it.
  5. It would come with a latte, or a cocktail with house-made bitters.
  6. No lobster. Prices are on the downswing, so clearly it’s for plebs (not douches).
  7. It would come with a free gift certificate for brogues of some kind.
  8. It too would come wrapped in money. Which sucks for us, because our money melts.
  9. It would come with VIP passes to Faces.
  10. It would be whatever the superlative of organic is.

 
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